July 1, 2010

July

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 7:41 am by copingwithdepression

Livi did this last month for June and I loved the idea but as usual never got round to actually doing it.  So here are my goals for July.  Hopefully writing them down will make them easier to keep!

  1. Go to the big scary gym at least twice this month.  I was going to say three times but I KNOW that’s way too much for me to cope with.  I have been paying a monthly membership for the last 6 months or so and haven’t used it so I need to get back into going.  I need to get more confidence!
  2. Do some form of aerobic exercise at least every other day.  Since I’ve started feeling less anxious etc I can actually eat again!  And it’s starting to show!
  3. Make more of an effort with my appearance.
  4. Try to stop self-harming as much.  It’s not going to stop completely overnight but I want to try and reduce it.
  5. Listen to my relaxation CD’s the doctor gave me every day – I’ve been really lax with this and have only managed once a week for the first two.  It seems my preferred method of relaxation is to cut myself.  Must change this.
  6. A general one – but just try to be more positive and aware of my moods.
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June 21, 2010

Up & down

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , at 10:57 am by copingwithdepression

Well the last couple of days I’ve really been struggling with my moods – after me worrying that I was wasting the doctors time last week as I was feeling relatively sane.  G & I have been having more niggly fights which always sends me into a black mood & activates all my negative thinking about the relationship.  I’ve been quite stressed out as I’ve been having to do a lot of phoning people trying to get our old car sold & a new one organised.  I hate having to phone people at the best of times, it just makes me so anxious.

I’ve been reading a lot of mental health blogs recently & I was coming across a lot of terms I had never heard of.  One was BPD Borderline Personality Disorder, so I Googled it to see what it involved.  I was shocked to find out that a lot of it sounded very familiar & I am starting to worry now that it might be applicable to me…  But what do I do about it?  I can hardly walk into the doctors & tell her I think I have diagnosed myself!  You see, there are a lot of things such as self harm & impulsive behaviour that I have never told anyone before.  And I’m scared to.  If you admit to bad things that you have done in the past can you still get in trouble for them now??   I just don’t know what to do.

I really feel that I am on a downward spiral again & I’m not sure I can control it.  Plus I have to  phone my mum later – maximum stress!  The last time I saw her I was in tears so I know she’s just going to push me into talking about how things are going which I find really hard to do without breaking down…  Fingers crossed.

April 25, 2010

Well…..

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 9:04 am by copingwithdepression

I went to the library and couldn’t get the book I wanted  – ended up getting Overcoming Low Self Esteem – A Self Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques.  Thought this would be useful anyway as I do have really low self – esteem.  Only read a few chapters so far but it does all make sense – it’s just whether I can be motivated to fill in all the self help sheets whenever I’m having a low moment.  One thing it does say throughout the book is that if you are clinically depressed also to seek treatment for that first.  So I will be getting the Overcoming Depression book as soon as I can!

I’m feeling much better today and yesterday – not sure if it’s because I’ve started writing this.  But the few days before I was overcome with such crushing depression, where I could hardly get out of bed in the morning as I felt I had nothing to look forward to or aim for in my life.  I do regularly get days like this and it is so hard to function normally.  My relationship is really suffering as well as he just does not understand why I get so depressed and I generally don’t know why I am so depressed….

I would love to know if anyone has read either of the 2 books I’ve mentioned above and if they were of any real practical help?  I really want to make this blog into all the things that do and do not work in helping depression (other than medication) rather than just focusing on my low moods all the time zzzzz!