June 16, 2010

The Witch Is Away…

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 11:16 am by copingwithdepression

The Witch is our (semi) affectionate name for G’s mum.  Phew, I must say I am relieved that she is away.  Her visit wasn’t too bad (certainly not as bad as last year!).  For a start she is recovering from a broken foot so she wasn’t following me about interfering (sorry helping) in the kitchen too much.  It took me a day or 2 to feel comfortable with her, especially because my moods have been so low recently but she just natters away so it’s easy for me to sit & listen & look interested.  I actually found I was feeling a bit better in myself when she was here.  For some reason I am able to chat to her more easily than any member of my own family, especially my mum who I have real problems with.  Yes, I was putting on an act trying to pretend everything was normal between me & G but it felt quite good – I almost felt quite content at times.

I did find myself getting a bit stressed sometimes, especially thinking “Oh God, that’s only 1 day down, we have 5 more to go!” but I just tried to relax & take 1 day at a time.  It seemed to work OK.  Now she’s gone though I can feel myself getting into my old down depressed habits which I really am trying not to do.  I slept so well when she was here probably because I was so exhausted & I MADE myself get up early in the morning etc.. but last night I was lying awake again worrying at 4am & couldn’t get back to sleep for ages.  I have my doctors appointment tomorrow to see how I’ve been getting on with my tablets after 2 weeks which I think is worrying me.  I just find it really hard to express how I’m feeling to people – almost as if I’m scared they’ll think I’m a fake.  It’s not like having a broken arm or leg – with depression nobody can see anything wrong with you.  I’m just going to try & keep busy today & will hopefully sleep OK tonight.