August 12, 2010
Will I Ever Feel Better..?
Saw the doctor this morning. Told her how I had been feeling over the last wk or so – staying in bed a couple of days, feeling useless, feeling like I wanted to end things etc… and she said she doesn’t really think I’m responding to the Citalopram. I’ve been taking 30mg for the last few weeks. She said I could either increase it to 40mg daily or change to a different anti depressant, Mirtazapine.
Now, that scares me. How can I not be getting any real effect from the Citalopram by now? Maybe it supports my original thoughts that I need to sort out my head and my negative thinking rather than take any drug. It also scares me that she is thinking of changing me to Mirtazapine. When I used to work as a pharmacist, Mirtazapine (Zispin) was always considered as a real “hard-core” drug for the complete looney bins. Honestly, I may be being really sterotypical here but 99.9% of the people who came in with scipts for it looked like real down and outs, absolutely horrendous!
It scares me that I might be like that myself now. I told the doctor this and she kind of laughed a bit. She said a few years ago when the Mirtazapine was quite new it would only have been prescribed by psychiatrists for the really bad patients to try it out. However now, it is quite widely used. She also says it can make you very tired and feel very hungry. The last things I need!
She also did another depression test thing, and I had only reduced 2 points on the scale from the first time I went to see her. She said I’m still very teary and quite unstable. Yep – agreed!
So, I’ve to try the 40mg for the next 3 weeks until she gets back from hol – and then review things.
I also asked her about the letter I had received for the assessment at the mental health clinic. She said I will be seeing a psychologist first who will assess me fully for about an hour, and then they will recommend what sort of therapy I need. It isn’t instant though. Once I see the psychologist I have to then go on another waiting list for whatever therapy is recommended… Phew… It’s hard work trying to get better via the NHS. Wish I could afford to go to a really good CBT counsellor myself – I might be a lot further down the road than I am now. Ah well… gotta keep fighting on.
August 11, 2010
Quick Update..
… I’ve been feeling really really low again since last week. In fact I think last week was the worst I have been feeling in a while. I had to spend most of last Wed & Thurs in bed as I literally couldn’t face the world. I am a teensy bit better this week, although my Dad arrived yesterday and upset the apple cart somewhat. It’s crazy that I can’t tell him how I feel and how much he has upset me (I’m not that close to my Dad), but I need to. Everytime I think about having to speak to him about it I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.
Doctor’s appointment tomorrow, I think she’ll want to increase my Citalopram dose again. I think I need it, as recently I aint been coping at all.
Plus I got a letter this morning (finally) from the mental health team. I phoned to make an appointment, they said they will send me one out, it should be mid-Sept. So not TOO long to wait then. It said on the letter that the appointment is for an assessment to ensure I get the correct service. I’m not sure what this means. I thought I was being referred straight for CBT counselling. Does this mean I have to see a psychiatrist? If anyone has had a letter like this and knows what it involves please let me know! I’m worried that they’ll assess me & I’ll end up not getting the counselling or something….
Self Help For Depression 