June 1, 2010

Doctors? Not yet…

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , at 7:48 am by copingwithdepression

Well I got up at 8 this morning ready to phone the doctors for an appointment today – the one doctor I have seen before in that practice (who was quite nice) is off work today & tomorrow…  I didn’t want to book in to see anyone else who I have never met before because I would feel even more nervous.  So I made an appointment for Thursday morning.  It’s only 2 days away, but I feel gutted, just becasue I got myself so worked about going today I think.  I am shaking so hard I can barely type this!

And OH I have just realised – I was meant to have an appointment with my counsellor on Thursday morning, so I will have to cancel / re-arrange that.  I have been having doubts about continuing with this counsellor.  It is just someone I found on the interent via BACP in my local area – I had searched through loads but this lady’s website looked really professional etc and I liked the way she said things.  But she is a person-centered counsellor which means she really just sits and listens and gives you a safe place to work out your feelings and come to conclusions.  Which is OK, but I really feel I need some input or structure to the sessions.  I saw a CBT therapist privately for a while back when I lived in N.Ireland, but I didn’t really take it seriously at the time – I didn’t put as much into the homeworks and exercises as I should have done.  But I think the CBT approach is one that I need – it really makes sense to me to change your thoughts, because I know that’s how I get myself into a spiral of depression to begin with.

So I’m really not sure what to do.  I wanted to have seen the doctor and asked her opinion so I would know for sure what to do by Thursday, but…  Plus there is the cost to it, I know it’s only every week but we aren’t bringing in a lot of money at the minute & I really don’t feel like I can afford it.  Well I am going to have to cancel the counsellor anyway on Thursday while I go to the doctor.

As for today… it’s a horrible, rainy day so I will probably listen to my Louise Hay audios while I’m working at the computer to try & relax me.  Maybe do some baking as well, I printed off a recipe for Lemon Drizzle Cake a couple of days ago but hadn’t felt like baking it.  Or chocolate chip muffins…?

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